CHAPTER 1 ADMITTING TO THE FRAGILITY OF COUPLE THERAPY: HOLD ONTO HOPE PART 1 FRAMING INTERVENTIONS CHAPTER 2 INTRODUCING THE THEORY: USE FIVE STEPS IN OPERATION HOPE Figure 2-1: Operation Hope: The Grand Strategy for the Hope-Focused Couple Approach. Intervention 2-1: Ten Techniques of the HFCA CHAPTER 3 PROMOTING HOPE: UNCOVER DIFFERENT KINDS OF HOPE CHAPTER 4 EMPLOY STRATEGIES FOR LOVE: HELP COUPLES DO THE WORK AND KEEP THE FAITH Intervention 4-1: Education about Couple Therapy Intervention 4-2: Get This Across—In Couple Therapy, Work Is Essential Intervention 4-3: You Just Have to Do a Week of Work Intervention 4-4: Great Homework Interventions Intervention 4-5: Reflective Processing Worksheet Intervention 4-6: Love that Values the Partner in Action CHAPTER 5 USING THE THERAPY TECHNIQUES: MAKE CHANGE SENSIBLE Intervention 5-1: How to Do Sensible Scaling with a Couple CHAPTER 6 STRENGTHING THE EMOTIONAL BOND: FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MAKES COUPLES SATISFIED AND STABLE Figure 6-1: Practical Recipe of Actions to Build Intimacy Intervention 6-1: CLEAVE to Bond Intervention 6-2: Tell Me a Secret—Share Your Dreams Intervention 6-3: Attend to the Emotional Cues CHAPTER 7 APPLYING PRINCIPLES OF COUPLE THERAPY: FIND THE ESSENCE OF HELPING COUPLES CHANGE PART 2 INTERACTING HOPEFULLY CHAPTER 8 BUILDING HOPE WITH HOPE: HANDLING OUR PROBLEMS EFFECTIVELY Intervention 8-1: The Alligator Intervention (Or How to Respond When Your Partner Snaps) CHAPTER 9 UNDERSTANDING THE COUPLE’S PROBLEMS AND GOALS: USE ASSESSMENT EFFICIENTLY Figure 9-1: The Couple Improvement Plan Table 9-1: Questionnaires and Scales for Clinical Assessment of Couples Intervention 9-1: Educate Couples about Preferences Intervention 9-2: Pre-Meeting Assessment Questionnaires Intervention 9-3: The Dyadic Interview 10 Questions Intervention 9-4: Assigning Homework and the Couple Improvement Plan Worksheet Intervention 9-5: Detect Red Flags CHAPTER 10 PROVIDING FEEDBACK TO THE COUPLE: ENGAGE COUPLES IN PLANNING THEIR TREATMENT Figure 10-1: Graphic Display of Carl and Sarah’s Ratings of Elements of Their Relationship Intervention 10-1: The Assessment Report Intervention 10-2: Feedback Report Example Intervention 10-3: Example Treatment Plan for Couple Therapy CHAPTER 11 SETTING UP ROUTINE OUTCOME MONITORING: PUT ASSESSMENT TO WORK Figure 11-1: H-ROM Questionnaire Figure 11-2: Display of ROM Results for Each Partner Intervention 11-1: Routine Outcome Monitoring (ROM) Assessment CHAPTER 12 USING COUPLE THERAPY METHODS FOR HOPE: INSTILL HOPE FOR THE HOLY, HURTING, AND HEALTHY Figure 12-1: Pain-Defense-Offense Pattern (adapted from Sells & Yarhouse, 2011) Intervention 12-1: The Video Review Intervention 12-2: Stopping Negative Reciprocity CHAPTER 13 HELPING RESOLVE CONFLICTS: FIND MUTUAL INTERESTS BENEATH SURFACE FIGHTS Figure 13-1: Couple Conflict: Process and Intervention Figure 13-2: The LOVE Acronym Intervention 13-1: LOVE—Three Interventions in One Intervention 13-2: Five-Minute Date Intervention 13-3: Simple Listen and Repeat, Warmly Intervention 13-4: Time Out Intervention 13-5: Expressing Valuing Love Intervention 13-6: Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude Intervention 13-7: Doubt Your Doubt Intervention 13-8: Diffusing a Power Struggle by Setting up a Win-Win and Inviting Partners to Honor Each Other’s Valued Choices Intervention 13-9: Values Card Sort Intervention 13-10: Process the Conflict Intervention 13-11: Begin a Hard Discussion with a Soft Start-Up Intervention 13-12: Slimy Pit Demonstration CHAPTER 14 PROMOTING BETTER COMMUNICATION: FACILITATE WHAT THEY ALREADY KNOW Figure 14-1: Practice Affirming and Active Responding Instead of Discounting and Disengaging Intervention 14-1: Love Bank Intervention 14-2: Love Bank Spin-Offs Intervention 14-3: Making Affirming Active Responses Using the Speaker-Listener Technique Intervention 14-4: Leveling and Editing Intervention 14-5: Love Busters Intervention 14-6: TANGO and TANGO-E Intervention 14-7: A Coke and a Smile PART 3 BONDING CHAPTER 15 REVEALING THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP: HELP BUILD A MORE INTIMATE EMOTIONAL BOND Figure 15-1: Sternberg’s Eight Types of Love Derived from Being High or Low in Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment Figure 15-2: Intimacy Thermometers (Ripley & Worthington, 2014) Intervention 15-1: Plot the Couple’s Sternberg Love-Triangle History Intervention 15-2: Conceptualization of Three Types of Power Intervention 15-3: Assess and Process the Intimacy Thermometers Intervention 15-4: Graphing Closeness throughout the Relationship Intervention 15-5: Five Love Languages to Increase Emotional Bonds Intervention 15-6: A Sculpting Intervention to Deepen Intimacy over Time Intervention 15-7: Make Dreams and Hopes Solid CHAPTER 16 ENCOURAGING DEEP EMOTIONAL SHARING: HELP PARTNERS SHARE POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE EMOTIONS Intervention 16-1: Romantic Dates and Special Times to Enhance Emotional Intimacy Intervention 16-2: Three Ways to Enhance Sexual Intimacy Intervention 16-3: Intellectual and Recreational Intimacy Intervention 16-4: Prompt Spiritual and Romantic Reflection Intervention 16-5: Assessing Spirituality with Couples Intervention 16-6: Couple Prayer Intervention 16-7: Process Ruptures in the Therapeutic Alliance CHAPTER 17 BALANCING INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS WITH CO-ACTION AND ALONE-TIME: FIND THE RIGHT MIX FOR EACH COUPLE Figure 17-1: The Distancer-Pursuer Couple Play-List. Topics that Trigger the Pattern of Requesting Interaction Followed by Withdrawal Followed by Elevated Intensity of Requests, etc. Intervention 17-1: Bonding Day Activity Intervention 17-2: A Used-Friendly Manual to Love Me Intervention 17-3: Distancer-Pursuer Playlist Intervention 17-4: Influencing Well and Accepting Influence Intervention 17-5: Healthy Paths to Intimacy and Independence CHAPTER 18 DISCERRNING ATTACHMENT STYLES AND EMOTIONAL BONDS: FIND EFFECTS OF EARLY RELATIONSHIPS AND OF ADULT ONES Intervention 18-1: Understand Attachment by Creating Genograms Focused on Attachment Styles Intervention 18-2: Attachment Styles in Their Close Relationships Intervention 18-3: Two Attachment Styles, One Emotional Bod Intervention 18-4: Predict Backsliding to Avoid It Intervention 18-5: Address Defenses against Vulnerability Intervention 18-6: Solidify Intimacy by Renewing Vows Intervention 18-7: Solidify Intimacy by Creating a Sojourning Narrative PART 4 FORGIVING CHAPTER 19 DEALING WITH HURTS AND INJUSTICES: REDUCE THE INJUSTICE GAP TO MAKE FORGIVENESS EASIER Figure 19-1: Radical Acceptance Intervention 19-1: See with Magic Eyes Fable Intervention 19-2: Questions to Ponder as You Begin to Address Past Hurts with the Couple Intervention 19-3: Stopping Rumination Intervention 19-4: Tolerate Offensive Behavior without Blowing Up Intervention 19-5: Forbear Instead of Seeking Revenge (Or Even Contemplating It) Intervention 19-6: Offer Restitution Intervention 19-7: Grace Ain’t Just for Supper Intervention 19-8: Radical Acceptance Intervention 19-9: Transform Emotion with Emotion CHAPTER 20 USING AN EFFECTIVE FORGIVENESS INTERVENTION: TEACH FIVE STEPS TO REACH FORGIVENESS Intervention 20-1: Issues to Consider as You Start a REACH Forgiveness Group Program for Your Practice Intervention 20-2: Point-by-Point Summary of the REACH Forgiveness Protocol Intervention 20-3: Research Supporting REACH Forgiveness Treatment CHAPTER 21 USING REACH FORGIVENESS IN SESSION: WALK COUPLES THROUGH IT Figure 21-1: Four Interventions (21-1, 21-2, 21-3, and 21-4) to Promote Movement toward Reconciliation Intervention 21-1: Choose Four Offenses to Work on Intervention 21-2: Introduce the REACH Forgiveness Model Intervention 21-3: Practice Confession and Apology Intervention 21-4: Apply REACH Intervention 21-5: Work through a Do-It-Yourself Workbook on REACH Forgiveness Intervention 21-6: Have Partners Reflect on Their Learning Intervention 21-7: Six Steps to Decisional Plus Emotional Self-Forgiveness Intervention 21-8: An Intervention to Forgive Oneself Due to Non-Moral Self-Condemnation Intervention 21-9: Working with One Partner on Curbing Their Excessive Self-Condemnation PART 5 RECONCILING AND REBUILDING CHAPTER 22 TEACHING FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION: GUIDE PARTNERS THROUGH FOUR STEPS TO SET PARTNERS FREE Figure 22-1: Four Steps to Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Experiencing Empathy (FREE) Intervention 22-1: Idea #1 for Preparing Couples to Forgive & Reconcile—Consider Wartime Intervention 22-2: Idea #2 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile—Why Forgive & Reconcile? Intervention 22-3: Idea #3 for Preparing Couples to Reconcile—Savor Good Forgiveness CHAPTER 23 MAKING DECISIONS AND DISCUSSING HURTS: DISCERN WHAT CAN AND CAN’T BE REDEEMED Figure 23-1: Prepare for FREE Intervention 23-1: Consider Memory of Past Conflicts with an Analogy Intervention 23-2: It’s Not Only What I Did, But What My Partner Perceived I Did Intervention 23-3: Psychoeducation about Processing Past Offenses Intervention 23-4: Dan Wile’s (1988, 2008) Empathic Responding Intervention 23-5: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with Empathy Intervention 23-6: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation with Emotional Softening Intervention 23-7: Preparing for Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Regulating Emotions Intervention 23-8: Address Resistance, Fuzzy Definitions, and Fears of Forgiveness Intervention 23-9: Write Letters of Apology as Homework Intervention 23-10: Discuss Potential Responses to Being Asked to Forgive the Wrongdoer Intervention 23-11: CONFESS Acronym CHAPTER 24 REPAIRING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP: FIX WHAT CAN BE FIXED Intervention 24-1: Scaling the Injustice Gap Intervention 24-2: Responding to Criticism Non-Defensively (In Session) Intervention 24-3: Principles to Address Unresolvable Problems CHAPTER 25 REBUILDING DEVOTION WITH FREE: CREATE NEW STRUCTURES TO REPLACE MISSING ONES Intervention 25-1: For Marriage War-Survivors, Read about Coventry and Dresden Intervention 25-2: Increase Devotion through Gratitude Interventions Intervention 25-3: Motivate Couples to Use Regular Checks on Functioning Intervention 25-4: Discuss Annual Relationship Check-Up Questions Intervention 25-5: Use the CARE Measure to Have Couples Self-Evaluate the Relationship PART 6 REFORGING TRUST CHAPTER 26 REFORGING TRUST: LET COUPLES KNOW THAT IT TAKES LONGER THAN THEY THINK IT WILL Figure 26-1: Trust Intervention 26-1: Illuminate the Processes of Trust-Busting and Trust-Building Intervention 26-2: Use Slow-Building Trust to Deal with Deep Hurts Intervention 26-3: ATTUNE, An Acronym for Handling a Betrayal Intervention 26-4: It’s Happening Again Intervention 26-5: Partner Exercise in Building Trust Intervention 26-6: The Trust Bank CHAPTER 27 PREPARING FOR FUTURE RUPTURES: ALERT PARTNERS TO INEVITABLE FUTURE RUPTURES Intervention 27-1: Anticipate Ruptures by Assessing Change throughout Treatment Intervention 27-2: Anticipate Ruptures by Staying Calm in the Face of Resistances and Roadblocks Intervention 27-3: Anticipate Ruptures When Working with Partners with a Trauma History Intervention 27-4: Anticipate Ruptures by Monitoring the Therapist’s Own Negative Reactions CHAPTER 28 SOLIDIFYING GAINS AT TERMINATION: PROMOTE REFLECTIVE FUTURE PLANNING IN LIGHT OF REVIEW OF THERAPY Figure 28-1: Figure in Termination Report Reporting the Results of Relationship Closeness Before Therapy (darker pillars) and After Therapy (lighter pillars) Intervention 28-1: Three Questions at Termination Intervention 28-2: An Example of a Final Termination Report Intervention 28-3: Joshua Memorial or Graduation Ceremony Intervention 28-4: Post-Therapy Assessment CHAPTER 29 REACHING A PRODUCTIVE CONCLUSION: HEED THESE TAKE-HOME MESSAGES

• Psychotherapy

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